Quitting is Failure

Nobody likes to quit. We certainly do not like to admit to failure.

And there is nothing like winning, or success, or achieving some great objective.

If there were only some way to make quitting, and failure, sound and feel like success, it might make a lot of people more comfortable with their decisions in life. And in our time, we have found a way to do that. We have made a virtue out of quitting.

I don't love you anymore, and I want to get on with my life.

This is a good one. The multitudes of divorced people that come in and out of our lives feel a deep, searing sense of shame deep down. They have let down their children, their parents, their friends, their spouses, themselves. And the pain is so great, that we have gone from seeing divorce as the terrible, costly mistake that it is, to a smart and gutsy move that people can actually feel good about. "You go girl! You deserve some happiness, and your children will thank you for this later!"

I am resigning from the XYZ Company.

A businessman made such an announcement to his professional associates. He had done nothing for three months. Returned no phone calls or emails. Responded to none of his friends' requests (pleas) to help him. Took advantage of none of the resources of the company. Rather than finding ways to make it work for him, or coming up with creative solutions; rather than realizing how many people he could help by setting a positive example; rather than doing anything constructive; he simply said that he didn't have time and could not afford to be in it any longer, so was resigning.

Or put more accurately, he was quitting. The man hopped from job to job, always spinning each new job as a "can't miss," but never admitting to failure. He cannot bring himself to take that one step, a little risk here and there, that could make his family independent forever. Afraid to put himself on the line, he goes just up to it and then retreats. Every time.

But he has no problem going around quite publicly, every half year, with a new business card and new email address. He would rather fail, but spin it as forward movment, than stay with one thing, requiring some focus and commitment.

My daughter returned to soccer just this week, after taking a year off. Her coach is going to be a tough disciplinarian. For this group of ten-year old girls, it will be their first experience with such drive and focus. If they can make it through all the conditioning and endless drills, he will teach them how to win. As a parent, my greatest fear is that my daughter could end up disillusioned and wanting to quit.

Quitting. It really is a terrible word, and we have hurt ourselves by renaming it such things as "resign" and "move on."

Rather than quitting, we have got to find ways to help people hang in there.

A friend of mine is having severe problems in his marriage. He and his wife are in their 40s (imagine that!). He fears that his ex has become unhappy enough, to file for divorce. I told him that this is all predictable. That they just need to get through a year or two, without ever visiting an attorney! If they can do that, I believe they will make it.

The job-hopper needs some friends to stay in the pocket with him. He needs someone to believe in him, and to encourage him to stay the course, in something.

These people do not need condemnation. But the concept of quitting does.

Quitting is failure. And failure is not a good thing. It is only good if we learn from it, and not make the same mistake twice. Quitting, due to the actions of others, may be unavoidable, and the mature person does indeed move on.

But when the decision to quit is your own, and it is possible for you to turn things around without quitting, you must not quit.