The Beam in My Eye, Part One

Recently, God has clarified a question that I have had for some time.

I have been told that I was "leader" material since my earliest elementary school memories. Yet, in my whole life I have tended to wind up the butt of people's frustrations. When they want to express their ugliest side, they do so to me. I can share specific examples, but I would want to protect the anonymity and privacy of others involved.

In the past few months, I have had a very dear relative yell at me to "shut up", quite inappropriately, in front of family. I am sure that I will remember that incident forever, and it will always hurt.

Other family members have put me down in front of my kids. And others yet have no problem exposing their worst feelings to me. People seem to feel quite comfortable hurling invectives at me, when they would never dream of doing so to others in the family.

Am I a doormat? Am I dumb, rude, unkind, ugly, arrogant, impatient? What is it? I seem to be a magnet for extreme emotional outbursts of people that I believe love me. If my impression is correct, what is God showing me? Why me, and what does it mean?

I believe that people are extremely disappointed in me. I am the leader that won't lead. The most-likely-to-succeed that has mostly failed. The problem solver that won't step up to the plate. There is a sense of frustration that I will not get out there into the arena, where everybody thought I belonged years ago.

In a Christian setting, I recently became the subject of some rather malicious gossip and backbiting. It hurt me and made me want to leave this group of Christian brothers and sisters. There is just too much petty behavior, and not enough holding others accountable in the Church. There are too many divorces, too much teen-aged sexuality, too much treading lightly around people with short fuses.

This all is typical for the world, but we are the Body of Christ! We are to attain to a higher level of excellence! Our marriages should be model! Our humility genuine! Our self-awareness proactive and transformational! Our service should be meek and cheerful!

We pussy-foot around people that can say whatever they want, do whatever they want, act however they want, even if it hurts others - rather than rock the boat. We excuse hateful behaviors because we are "under grace," overworked ("if I don't do this thankless job, no one else will"), or "Oh that's just Uncle Bill and he'll never change, heh heh!"

I answer to no one but God.

I enjoy fellowship with a few very excellent ministries. I am part of expanding God's Kingdom, and am thrilled that God has placed me in partnership with talented people that are on fire for the Lord.

But, our achilles heel is that we still put up with childish behaviors from adults. We excuse words and actions that hurt others, because we do not have the backbone to defend those that were hurt.

I know what it feels like now. I know why I have been such an easy target all these years. I believe God is asking me to call out behaviors in the Church, that hurt our witness and make a mockery of His holiness.

We are the Body of Christ. We must act like it.

But before I proceed, let the reader know that I have a huge beam in my own eye. I may spend a few posts talking about it (actually, there are several). And I have some stumbling blocks, or thorns in the flesh, too, if you will. I need to take care of my own beam and thorns, before I go off and start calling out those that are tripping up the forward movement of God's kingdom.

Pray for God's wisdom, as we move forward.